Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
