wakey wakey hands off snakey
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Found your dick twin last night
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
