my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
whose parrot is this?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
