I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
