So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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