I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
