He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize