i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
