I can tuck mytits in my pants
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
