Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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