He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
