He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
