i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
