i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
