That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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