I wish I could teleport
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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