Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
