im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
