This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
