if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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