Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
