dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
People with herpes should wear stickers.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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