so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I have feelings that need drinking.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
