i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
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