I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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