it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
