dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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