Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
vagina is talking i cant
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
