I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
