just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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