Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
