literally had 100 drinks last night.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
