The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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