Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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