I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
