i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You ruined the universe
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
