my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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