at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
