She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize