from now on my penis is your penis
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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