i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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