I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
