So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
