So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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