I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
