Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
A+ Viking dick
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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