He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
