You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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