ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
