Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
