He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
