im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
