I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
