I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
