it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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