So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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