You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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