are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
