I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Randomize
