how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
