I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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