My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
