I wish I could punch you in the face.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
