i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize