guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
