i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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