mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
