That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Randomize
