We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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